Deleted my online music producer profiles, since then I feel "lost" and cannot commit to a new profile.

[HREQ]

Ok, TBH I made some posts here before like this "how do I pick a producer name" etc, of course I knew it'd get mostly funny comments cause it's silly thing to ask, but I legit have a problem here... I wonder if some of you can understand or help me with?
Also, I realize this is a really stupid problem lol

I joined internet in 2000, by 2003 I had finally picked my "online username/gametag"
since 2003 to 2015 I had used that name, many forums/profiles/games/friends twitter, youtube, twitch, etc I used that name with and did things. I had some art there, some videos there etcs

So, in 2012 I decided I'd finally start music production as I always wanted to try it out. I thought at this time "hmm, is it okay just to use my gamertag?? Meh, I'll just use it."
So I posted WIPs and met new friends online and posted some songs...

I did this until 2015, of course my profile didn't really take off or anything but I enjoyed it still...

sometime in 2016 or so, I don't remember how or why I convinced myself to do it, but I ended up deleting all my online profiles...

I still go into daw and make WIPs and learn new tricks and try things every week or so and go on online chats with my friends and share them, but I have NO PROFILE online for years now...

I had thought something along the lines of "my past songs are so amateur, I'm so embarrassed by them, my past youtube videos / forums posts are really cringe too, maybe I should start over now that I'm better??"

So I decided to force myself to pick a new name, I'd delete my original one online to stop myself from going back to it but it completely backfired

Now I feel "lost" online, cause that was my online profile with all my original accounts, like just think if you deleted your profile online that you post everywhere under..... and had to start new... Imagine the feeling... it really sucks I'm so stupid for doing it.

I've tried creating new one ones over the years but it's a weird feeling, and I end up deleting them too. It's like "I'm an imposter" "i'm a newby" having a completely new profile fresh to the internet..... It makes me feel like "DAMIT, I wish I had my OG join dates / profiles back"

especially now that it's 2020+ It's so unreal to me to have started in 2020+ on the internet... or with a profile...

I really hold those dates from 2000s to 2015 or so dear to me though, like it's the time I loved the most TBH and the music from that era as well as things I liked....

I don't know what my problem is here... Is it a commitment issue? Is it some ego thing where I want to be known as "OG" on the internet? I've picked out many good names I could use, so I think it's either a fear of commiting again or legit that I wish I had my OG profiles back or something....

I.E. I could just start using the names of my OG accounts again but I've lost the profiles, like there's twitter.com/OGNAME but there's no way for me to recover it as I've dleeted the emails and such, no way to get my old soundcloud/youtube/twitter username etc

so I'm stuck in this cycle of "Do I go back to my old original name, make new accounts with my old name, so I can have some form of internet history again" I.E. I still have some bandcamp songs up from 2012 on the name, that'd make me feel atleast somewhat established again...

or do I "make completely new profile and feel like a newby on the internet, starting from scratch"

Very strange problem, I don't know if anybody here can relate, also I realize I'm being kind of pathetic about all of this... I should just "DO IT" already and start throwing my music out there again with whatever I can.

But do any of you have any advice about this? lol

[VOODOO U]

It's not the name that makes the experience, it's the persona that makes the experience giving spark to any name.
You're experiencing it yourself. Having no satisfaction of the letters on a screen that represents your name, because you have no persona to back it up.
If you pay close attention, most everyone out there showing themselves off are 90% boring, they got only 10% going for them and it's all due to being so concerned with themselves and what they can do to get attention.
In the midst of all that, what you do goes unnoticed so old name, new name....who cares.

When you see the name GG Allin, there's a persona behind it.
When you see the name Mike Tyson, there's a peraona behind it.
When you see the name Jason Voorhees, there's a persona behind it (a real nice guy who loves hockey).
There was a guy I knew whose name is Steven King. Nobody cared.
But when you see Stephen King on a book, there's a persona behind it.

[Touch The Universe]

Have no media profiles, instead seek fulfillment in the one true transcendental source of all creation. Once you find out who you are where you came from and where you're going you can establish a true non-subjective identity. With that comes eternal hope that no man can take away, not even yourself. Incidentally one would uncover a great source of inspiration one can channel into one's music, thereby worshiping both in spirit and in truth. I'd recommend reading the book of John, may your spirit be regenerated onto eternal life. Then you could have an eternity of making music with the righteous foundation, for no eternal state worth having is without it. That which lasts forever, and joyfully last forever, is blessed indeed.

[FranklyFlawless]

But do any of you have any advice about this?

Plenty.

To summarize your situation, you want to leave your old identity behind and formulate a new one. The issue is that your new identity is not explicitly defined with a purpose to supersede its predecessor. Therefore, take your time to reflect upon what new priorities, goals, and/or ambitions you have now against what you used to have before.

[gaggle of hermits]

But do any of you have any advice about this? lol

you're overthinking it. pretty much no-one else cares up to the point where you get famous. and at that point, you're famous anyway, so no biggie...and pretty much nobody else cares.

there's a long list of dance producers who make stuff under three or four aliases (usually because it's in a different sub-genre to their "main"): eg https://edm.com/features/10-djs-aliases

I don't think many people have gone "omfg it's really deadmau5, I'm throwing this out/buying this".

[harryupbabble]

nothing is really deleted?
all your stuff still exist in secret?
information is gold to corporations?
the smallest details do count to them?

or maybe nope it doesn't

[i need Help]

You got a cart-before-the-horse problem. As mentioned above in much softer words, nobody currently knows of or cares about you in terms of being a musician.

Tough words I know but it’s the truth. You’re here going in circles for years it sounds like over a producer/musician name but where’s the music? Where’s the listeners who know one song you've made?

Idk what the cool Gen Z or Gen Alpha slang is but I think the term from my Gen works: we called that being a Poser.

You got the producer name and producer look but never actually produce any music.

Forget the name, make music for now so you've got something worth slapping a name on.

P.S. I’m still waiting to hear which new DJ name you decided to go with!

[cron]

Sounds like you're a "lazy perfectionist." It's not an insult (although it sounds like one) - it actually refers to people who are so worried about doing the wrong thing that they end up doing nothing instead. The can gets kicked further and further down the road until kicking it back to where you started feels like an insurmountable task.

I'd suggest taking up a new creative hobby. Again, not an insult although it sounds like one. I guarantee that you're absolutely right about your 2012 tunes sounding amateurish. However I'm also fairly sure that, when you shared those tunes in 2012, you didn't remotely care because being a total beginner is extraordinarily liberating. It's the excitement of discovery, the excitement of improvement, the excitement of sharing this cool new hobby that you're obsessed with. Try learning something new for a few weeks and recapturing that feeling. You'll learn a new skill, but you'll also learn a great deal about your relationship with creativity. You'll remember how it feels to create and share like you just don't care, and with any luck you can bring this feeling back into music.

From one lazy perfectionist to another.

[BertKoor]

Goid points are made...
If it's only about the name you want back: spell some letters in 1337 and repost some old stuff, like you really don't care. But as a creative person you had thought about that yourself as well.
Good luck!

[harryupbabble]

i cannot even commit to my old/current profile
i'm heavily influenced by john cougar mellencamp's album title
"nothin' matters and what if it did"

not really