Is there a way in cubase 7.5 to shift midinotes offbeat slightly automatically?

[deadby100cuts]

I'm doing a lot of work with virtual instruments and its becoming a problem because realistically all of these notes cannot be hit at the exact same time, and my ear can tell its fake because of that, buts its completely impossible for me to play this in no matter what the speed. Is there a tool I can use to select a bunch of midi notes and basically unquantize it (not that they were quantized to begin with)

[Googly Smythe]

Look for the MIDI Modifiers panel in the instrument Inspector panel - you'll see a couple of randomise settings for position and velocity. Or, if you're feeling brave, use the Logical editor for more controllable randomising.

[lee dc]

you can also try the "random quantise" function in the quantise panel, which will snap the notes to the nearest position, but then randomly shift them by the specified amount

[SJ_Digriz]

The quantize panel has the functions to "unquantize" built in.

[jancivil]

Well, the issue is that everybody landing on the same point in the timeline is 'fake', not realistic. So what would be 'realistic' about the result of randomizing?
I enjoy making decisions in editing. What is the reasoning for this 'player' being early or late? Why not just do it manually? Are you in a giant hurry?

For instance, an instrument that speaks slowly needs some lead time. Percussion speaks at once AND is located more in the back of the stage typically. Who is anticipating and why do they? These are interesting problems and not abstract problems.